There can be different goals of emotional regulation, depending on what we prioritize. According to Dialectical Behavior Therapy, a skills-based approach to managing intense emotions, a few of these goals might include:



Understand and name your own emotions

Decrease the frequency of unwanted emotions

Decrease emotional vulnerability

Decrease emotional suffering



We’re going to use this post to address the goal of decreasing the frequency of unwanted emotions, using a skill called Check the Facts.

The skills in this post approach emotional regulation from a somatic, body-based lens. These strategies are all about sending your body signals of safety, discharging mobilizing emotions, and tapping into parasympathetic, rest and digest. These tools will help support the emotion and associated sensations to move through you as you more easily make your way back into your window of tolerance.

I like to compare mindfulness to learning to play an instrument or understand a new language. So often we forget that mindfulness is a SKILL. Just like you wouldn’t expect to pick up a clarinet for the very first time and play a beautiful, flowing melody… it doesn’t make sense to expect to be “fluent” at mindfulness right away. In fact, it might take many times of playing the clarinet and it sounding less than stellar to get to a point where you feel like your hard work is paying off.

Acceptance vs. Change

Both necessary. This itself is a dialectic- meaning, two opposing ideas. We can think of it as a spectrum or a continuum- acceptance on one end, change on the other. Being on either end of the spectrum here has both its pros and cons. However, we’re most effective when we can find balance between the two.

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